The cake is a lie

Guessing. I just can't help myself not doing it  most of the time. Being curious, to see what happens, when I have no idea about the correct anwser, proper solution, right decision, makes me want to improvise. Give it a go. See what happens. Just... guess.

When I realized in June, that I failed my Psychiatry exam back in Poland, it was a heavy blow, bacause it has been the last one I had to take. Like a cherry I needed to put on top of the cake. And then, some strangers hand grabbed not only the cherry, but also a big chunk of the cream and pie. The cake I worked so hard to make it real, share the joy of completing it with friends and then taste how delicious it was... looked ruined.

There will be no heroically epic story filled with awesomeness, preceeded by sadness and with maybe a lightbulb lit up above my head while having an epiphany. No story of me going through some phases. It wasn't a break-up or cancer diagnosis. For most of times, there is only one phase.

Fucking move along (FMA). Get fucking busy (GFB). Or get things fucking done (GTFD).

It wasn't what I wished for, but here I am,surprise surprise! not getting what I wanted.. I figured, that my job is simply not done yet. I just hava to put some more effort into it. I have the time. I have the technology. I have the resources. I have my friends. I have skills and knowledge. I have experience with fixing my plans.  And I want to make it happen. It is not the first time I hava deal with obstacles. There is nothing more I could wish for to face another challenge.

Afterall, most of the cake survived. If I will replace the missing parts, I will put that goddamn cherry on top. What mattered here, was the end result. But that did not mean the process behind it, wouldn't be as important. I started with preparing myself. Plannig was crucial. First, create a list of what needs to be done and things that I need to make it done. Second, collect useful materials: borrowing books, notes and flashcards with drug names from my friends. Third - start revising it all. This time, intentionally, properly, thoroughly and do not forget about having fun with it. Fourth came not only memorizing it, but also understanding what is going on with dopanergic pathways, generations of neuroleptics, autistic symptoms, affect disorders, mental impairments, intellectual disabilites etc. And fifth it was just revision after revision followed by revision.

And it worked keikakudori*.

So there was nothing else to do, but to go back, pass the exam, sign the contract and be Erasmus one more time.

So early

Too early

But Plaza de Espanya - totally worth it.

Just some walking...

Bit of waiting...

Let them board. I'll just sit and be patient. To be the last one...

... And voila! Poland! I got a pleasant surprise I did not suspect, when I got to Modlin

Łódź. The city I love.

And Piotrkowska. The street I love.

And it all ended all too soon. Time to get back with waiting for all the people to board, to be the last man standing.

Finally, a window seat!

I may not seem too happy about coming back, but I actually am. It's just exhaustion of being awake, moving around, catching a flu and having a very, very busy weekend.

Now, the time has come to eat some pizza I made last night, listen to some music and watch the new South Park episode

I wish you making your dreams come true. Step by step.
And remember - the cake is a lie. FMA, GFB and GTFD instead.





*According to keikaku**
** Keikaku means plan.