We shall have Order

I love to think in infinities. There is no greater infinity that created infinities, and that is our imagination.

Mind is indeed a peculiar place. It can be a birthplace for so indefinite number of concept. Inventions, numbers, words, people, ideas - the amount of information human brain can process is so far unrivaled by any device, unmeasured by any research and unimaginable to comprehend. It can redefine whole Universes.

If there is one ultimate obsession I possess (or that possessed me), it is organizing data. This what I've been trying to do for the past five years. And today, I had my very own breakthrough.

Go ahead, take a piece of paper and a pen. Come back, when you have it.

Ready?

Imagine the time stopped. With that in mind, draw a number of points on your paper. There can be ten, there can be a thousand. Take your time.
Now, think of all the knowledge that ever existed and all the knowledge that will ever be created as universe. You know, planets and moons, stars, systems, galaxies, nebulas, and of course lots and lots of empty space separating them. If you cannot imagine them, just look at your paper. That is the Universe now. And you draw a number of start - your very own night sky.
Every thing ever conceived has now its very own, unique place, that cannot be shared with any other thing. It's position is fixed, because the time is stopped and no movement is possible.

Now, every one of those tiny points represents one item. Let's say, we chose a star that happens to represent "t-shirt". Here is where all the fun begins...

What comes to your mind when you think of a t-shirt? From the top of my head: clothing, colour, material, quality, brand, decoration, style, type, size, shape etc. ad infinitum. Now, put all of those items onto you night sky, so they can also represents an idea with a very own, unique place that cannot be shared with any other. And draw a line that connects the star of "t-shirt" with every thing you might listed and put in the sky.
Ideas are connected. It is the most fundamental law of how we perceive our world. People are wired to make sense of the experiences and things that surround us, for things to happen for a reason or at least serve a purpose.
Notice, how you would decide to allocate your stars around your sky. Some will be closer to "t-shirt", some will be farther away. The distances between them may also be of considerable difference. Just as you drew, the same applies to ideas in real world. It is easy to connect "smoke" with "fire", "meat" with "chicken", "number" with "letter" or "letter" with "word". Even though those are not the same things, something acts as a common ground, that allows to create a chain that starts from "coffee" and ends with "euthanasia". What steps would you need to create a chain that connects those two things? How many steps would that be? How many of those chains can you create in five minutes? How many of those chains could you create if you were immortal and it would be the only thing you would do for the rest of time?
The above represents, how imagination works. You can either create a star chart, with separate ideas connected to one main idea, or try to create chains that starts in one point and goes to the other.

I am looking for a way to apply above model of connecting ideas with operating on sets, incorporate ideas of quantum physics, make a use of ten dimensions postulated by string theory, not forgetting about the importance of how DNA and life as general keeps on reproducing and how human brain processes information.

In the end, I want to end science.

That is my little obsession I feed from time to time.

Afterall, tomorrow is another day

Source: http://www.youngpersonsguide.com/wp-content/uploads/blog-pic__brain-4101.png

Sometimes you get stuck.

It can happen to anyone, anytime, anywhere. It can happen while taking a shower. It might as well happen in the middle of working on a group project. Or you just get stuck with watching some series over and over again. For whatever reasons, you just... don't feel like doing anything.

You may have a plan. A real plan, with everything described just over there, with lists, specific deadlines and ideas that need to be be put into action. And yet something inside tells you... no. Not now. Not today. Nothing seems to help. Habits are paralyzed, systems are overheated, fingers are swollen, head hurts like a bitch, motivation is nothing but gone.

I am stuck right now. This post was planned. And it was to be about something else entirely. Yet, there is something in my mind that tells me "later, anytime, but just don't do anything now". And it made me wonder. It made me ask one simple question.

What the fuck?

I often look into myself in this kind of situation. They are more common in my life than you might expect and I admit, not always I am able to examine my inner side properly. This is not one of those times. I want to share with you, how I overcome laziness, procrastination, bad times and lack of motivation. And I will illustrate it with my today's example.

1. I realize it 
For example, that there is something I told myself to do, or something I was supposed to have it done. I created a schedule for my day and it seems I can't get to the end of it. Clues are all around me, but the most important clues are inside me.

In my case, I finished working out and I had planned to move onto working on rrquirements set for mediators in Sweden: qualifications, degrees, legal obligations etc.

2. I make sure I am alone
It does sound strange coming from a future psychologist, right? You might expect me to tell you to get out, meet people, talk to a friend or your family or someone close. Or if it happens often and you are not comfortable with it, to see an actual therapist.

True. I am recommending that. This scenario includes situation, when you feel that you can do it by yourself or you are stuck with you being stuck and there is no one you feel you can talk to. I used to dwell into my own problems and not look for solutions. At some point, my abbilities to overcome those were not enough. And I turned for help to a therapist. It was the best idea I ever had, because now I know how to move forward from point A to C while having something that derailed me to point B. It's not always possible to do it by yourself.

3. I look for the roots
I am not talking about resolving some issues from the past. But I am talking about looking into my past. I look for similarities and differences. How is this similar to what I felt the last time I got stuck? What makes it different this time? The main idea behind that kind of dwelling into it lies behind the concept, that our bodies have their own ideas for what is best for you. It may be about preserving energy, it may be about saving resources, it may be connected to need for regeneration.

What happened to me now happened to me before. Right now, I am tired as if I would start a new job. Adjusting my body to new country, new teaching methods and new people takes time. If I add to this quiting smoking, starting exercising, coming back to proper diet and being far away from people I care about, it already is a pretty long list.

4. I put on some music
Yes, this is important to me. When I work on something, I want to hear music. It usually is one song that I came to love. The sense behind it is that I developed a whole ritual of examining myself. For you it may be something else entirely: drinking coffee, sitting in a chair, going for a walk or a run, writing some thoughts down. It can be anything and everything. Just make sure you put your brain to work.

My case? Bob Marley's "No Woman No Cry".

5. I am not harsh on myself
I do not need to come with some everlasting anwser, just as you don't need to make sure it will not happen again. As said before, being stuck in doing absolutely nothing happens more often than you might think it tends to happen without realizing it. This time I may find out what is happening. Other time I can fail. But just because I fail it does not make me a failure.

After establishing that I know something is stopping me from doing certain things I wanted to do, making sure that I can handle it by myself, after comparing it to previous times, putting some music on and telling to myself it is not a big deal if I don't figure this out, comes the difficult part.

6. I just do things
And I mean anything. I already moved from the point that my brain was not engaged with any particular tasks, onto resolving it. Our brains crave for stimulation. And you just gave it something to process. Right now, your brain is thinking of itself! Some schizopfrenia patients, even in remission phase, may consume up to 7000 calories a day. That is the amount that people living in the North Pole need to survive!

Never underestimate how your brain is affecting you.

7. I am happy with any result
This is the tricky part. Whatever you did, it is a start. It may not be a great start, and it can be far away from what you were hoping for.

I get the general idea of what my body is going through. And believe me, not like not doing anything is always about adapting to change. It can be one single change, there may be several of them, and they all decided to show up at the same time. It is a signal my body is sending to me. And I did not ignore it, oh no. I did what I could, giving it my best. I am happy that I could take this opportunity to dive into what was going on inside of me. I now have a better connection with myself. I am now able to do what I wanted.

It works for me. This is a frame I developed over years of trying to figure out what on earth is happening. And I am grateful to all the people who helped me with improving it - my family, my friends, my loved ones, but also my teachers, my professional colleagues, accidently encountered people, my therapist, writers of books I have read and actors in movies I have seen.

It is not easy to be alone with me, myself and I. But believe me, it is worth it. I challenge you to be alone with yourself and get to know yourself better.

Let's put a smile on that face!

When I knew I will be coming here, I had some simple goals. 

Meet people.

Learn Spanish.

Work on my physical condition.

Get lost as often as possible.

Learn new recipes.

Hear some unordinary stories.

Travel around.

And experience it the fullest.

That is why I decided last week to go to Andorra. I wanted to hitchhike to get there, reach Pic de Coma Pedrosa (2946 MAMSL - metres above mean sea level), which would be the highest I've ever been, and take some photos. That's all.

After buying a new backpack, going through the equipment nad packing properly. I embarked on a journey. I started on Wednesday, 8th October, and I had time until Sunday, 12th. 

Time to leave. A quick, one and a half hour walk to the highway. I soon found my first driver - old electrician, named Javier. He left me in the middle of highway, where I was picked up by another guy... also named Javier. He was listening to a familiar language - Arabic. It turned out, he put some Quran on his radio. With that, he left me at entrance to Ripoll...

Here is my second spot to look for another ride. And I was picked up by two guys. One named Raul. And other named... Javier! They gave some Ballantine's... and a little something to get happier ;). With them, I traveled to Ripoll, where I got a bus to La Seu d'Urgell...

The first time in Adnorra. I have no idea where I am, and that is all the reason to move forward.

Found a bridge.

Found a trail. Destination - Arinsal.

This will come in handy. Never miss an opportunity to pick up some dry bark of birch.

As you may guessed, I really like Iberian architecture.

There was something about that shade, close to La Massana. 

Getting closer to the sunset... Better look for a place to stay the night.

Tunnel, that is the entrance to Coma Pedrosa National Park. Nowhere else to go. Wait... 

Abandoned hotel. Probably just out of season, but it has it's surprises awaiting. Next to it you may notice a tourist information point and a place for rest... 

Yep! Behind the tourist office and wooden wall, I've set my tent. It was bright, it was warm, and no one bothered me.

Just a little final planning at 6 am and I'll ge good to go.

Suddenly, it started to get brighter

Oh yes!

So much yes!

White and red trail... a good start

Just majestic

Altogether - 7,5 kilometres, to get from 1400 metres to 2260 - to the Refuge. The hike was supposed to take me around three hours. 

You have no idea, how happy I was I made it there. At the time I got to the refuge, it was the highest I ever walked.

For better or for worse, the refuge was... empty. There was only a small room, to use by whoever felt like staying there. I took the opportunity.

Inside - some beds, table with a bench, axe, two pickaxes, shovel, first aid kit. And a fireplace! I told you, the birch will come in handy!

Just had to collect some dried wood. Now as easy as you think, in a altitude, where trees are starting to disappear.

So much yes! Time to dry some stuff.

Have something to eat and drink. My reliable metal cup to boil water for mint tea has never been as welcome as now.

Comfy... The fire inside was a great conversation started with all the people who started showing up. For four hours I was alone, but then - suddenly - so many people showed up. I has some nice chats in Spanish, English and German with man and woman from Spain, France, Germany and New Zealand. I learned about the weather conditions for tomorrow, that they might not be as favorable as they are now. Pic de Coma Pedrosa was calling. After two hours of wait, it was high time to go. 

This is the moment I gave up. I fell once in Turkish mountains from ten metres down, and I barely survived (that would be time I almost died at being 19). This was too steep. Later, after looking at the map, I realized I stopped at around 2800, around 150 metres before the peak and half a kilometre of walk from it.

The fog was getting thicker with every second, only to dissapear a minute later. The humidty, along with the winds at this altitude, my injured knee and being tired from hiking for the past 9 hours (including 2 hour break), made me more confident about coming back. Safety is the first rule.

I spent the night in the refuge. I had a nice fireplace, I had my harmonica. I had a book my friend Aiste gave to me before going to Spain. Nothing else needed? Wrong! I found some aluminum foil, so I decided to make myself some heated chorizo, with cheese and Swedish candy - also from Aiste. Thank you for all of it!

And it was time to leave. This is my destination - the valley I took to get here, now all covered in mystical mists.

I asked another Spanish guy for a photo. Had better!

When I got back to Arinsal, I decided to just take the bus back to Andorra la Vella. On my way to the spot where I would find the bus back to La Seu d'Urgell, I found this bridge. In Europe, you probably know about the tration of locking padlocks  for you and your love on the bridges, right? Well, here you have basically the same thing. But with scafrs!

I thought I could maybe take a ride on it, but it had some malfunction going on. So no ride for me.

And this is on the train from Puigcerda to Vic. Again, there was something about the ray of light...

Altogether, it was an amazing experience. I came back after three days, instead of five. I met so many people, did not spend a fortune, found out I have a pretty decent physical condition and my strong will was still in pretty good shape. 

I am proud of myself. Even though right now it seems I have some otitis going on, it was totally worth it. Hopefully, I will not lose my hearing until Monday (or even better - to cure it somehow), because I have no idea how to get to a proper doctor around here!

Try yourself. Question yourself. Believe in yourself. And you will get what you want.